


Castiel, Author of the Lord

by musegaarid



Series: Castiel, Author of the Lord [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fanfiction, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Meta, Metafiction, Virgin Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 06:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15091415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musegaarid/pseuds/musegaarid
Summary: It was Sam who introduced Castiel to the concept of fanfiction.





	Castiel, Author of the Lord

It was Sam who introduced Castiel to the concept of fanfiction. 

One evening, Castiel appeared in the Winchesters’ motel room in Pocahontas, Iowa while Dean was out procuring the evening meal. He understood the importance of eating regularly to provide nutrition and regulate moods, so Castiel was willing to wait for Dean’s return before imparting his new knowledge. If he spoke while they ate, it would be a more efficient use of their time and might mean that Dean would be less likely to interrupt. Dean could even be more tractable, provided the food offered sufficient satisfaction and pleasure. However, the odds were also fairly good that Dean would still attempt to reply with partially masticated food in his mouth and his brother would exclaim that it was “Gross, dude!” 

Speaking of his brother, Sam was sitting at a somewhat wobbly Formica table that someone had attempted to stabilize by shoving a wad of paper under the short leg. His laptop computer was placed on the surface before him and he was peering intently at the screen. Castiel did not want to interrupt if Sam was deep in thought, but he had also been told that standing around like a “freakin’ statue” while he waited for something was creepy, so he made an attempt to interact with the younger Winchester.

“Sam,” said Castiel to announce his presence.

The tall man jumped in his chair, throwing a hand up to his chest. “Jesus, Cas, you startled me.”

He must have been really engrossed in his research to not notice Castiel’s arrival. “I apologize.”

“No, no,” Sam waved his hand in the air dismissively. “It’s fine. What’s up?”

By now Castiel understood that this phrase was not a literal inquiry but instead indicated a desire to hear about Castiel’s current state of being, to request that Castiel share any new information he had obtained since they had last interacted, or to know why Castiel had determined it necessary to be present at that moment. He chose to respond to the latter.

“I have important but not urgent news to share with you and Dean. It can wait for his return.” Castiel had learned over the years that being very specific in his communications to the Winchesters could prevent most violent reactions. 

“Okay,” replied Sam calmly. Castiel’s technique had clearly worked in this instance. The young man was not unduly worried. “Cool. Dean should be back in a few.”

Castiel nodded to indicate his understanding and drew closer to the table. “Are you conducting research on a new case?” he asked.

Sam glanced up, his eyes dancing with restrained humor and mischief. In the face of that expression, Castiel reminded himself that it was possible that Sam’s next words would not be entirely truthful or else he was preparing to be amused at Castiel’s expense. 

“Not exactly,” Sam explained. “You know those books that Chuck writes about us?”

“Yes,” intoned Castiel. He was well aware.

“Well, some people... girls, mostly, like those books a lot and want more of them. Or they want more personal details. So they write their own books and stories about us and share them on the internet.”

Castiel frowned. “Do these additional stories also accurately predict the future?”

“Oh, god, I hope not!” Sam exclaimed, with a horrified look on his face. “Because at least half of them are about me and Dean having sex.”

“You and Dean are brothers.”

Sam ran a hand through his long hair. “Yeah, I know.”

“I had understood that sexual relations between siblings was taboo in most human cultures unless the siblings were of exceptionally high status and capable of reproduction.”

Sam blinked. “I guess so? Like Egyptian pharaohs or whatever, yeah.”

“But these women disregard social mores to write sexually explicit stories about you and Dean. To what purpose?” asked Castiel.

With a shrug, Sam said, “I dunno. I guess they think it’s hot.”

“It arouses them to imagine two physically appealing men in the throes of passion,” Castiel concluded. “The forbidden nature of this attraction, both in terms of your family dynamic and the fact that you both identify as male, causes further titillation without inciting jealousy as the introduction of a female lover might.” This made sense to him.

“Uh, I guess,” replied Sam, looking vaguely discomfited. “But since you started appearing in the books, the Sam and Dean stories are declining. Now it’s all about the Destiel.”

“The what?”

“That’s what they call stories about you and Dean.”

Castiel stared at him, his head tilted slightly to the right, as he attempted to process this concept. “People on the internet write sexually explicit stories about me and Dean?”

“Yup,” Sam said, popping the “p” sound. Castiel had been right. Sam was amused at his expense.

“I am an angel of the Lord,” he tried to explain.

Sam grinned now that the tables were turned. “Part of that forbidden thing. Not only are you both male... well, male-shaped, anyway, but you’re kind of like innocence personified and a lot of people get turned on by seeing purity get tarnished.”

“I am hardly innocent; I am a warrior of God. I have much blood on my hands.”

“I know,” said Sam, looking a little sad. “But I mean, like, sexually innocent. Virginal. You, you haven’t...”

Castiel shook his head. “No, I have never put any part of my vessel into another person or been penetrated in return.”

“Ew,” interjected Sam, scrunching his nose up. “That is possibly the least sexy way I have ever heard sex described.”

“But I do not understand why this is equated with innocence. Virginity is a social construct meant to control women’s reproduction. It has nothing to do with the purity of the soul. Dean’s soul is remarkably pure, yet he has been inside any number of women.”

“Gross! Stop!” cried Sam, waving his hands in self-defense. “My brother’s sex life is only funny when it involves you because it doesn’t actually involve you. Get it?”

Castiel considered this a moment. “I suppose so.”

“Plus, in the fanfic anyway, you’ve got that whole taboo interspecies thing going on with a side of wonky power dynamics and divine judgment. A bit of ‘bad boy with a heart of gold redeems himself when he meets an inhuman being of infinite love that can give him grace-powered orgasms,’ or whatever.”

“I would never...” Castiel began, somewhat shocked at the implication and the danger involved in exposing humans to his grace directly.

“I know,” grinned Sam. “That’s why it’s funny.”

Before Castiel could think about this further, the door swung open.

“Sammy, I got... Oh, hey, Cas.”

Castiel turned to give Dean a long hard stare, focusing particularly on his bright eyes, full lips, and the pleasing symmetry of his face. 

“Uh, Cas?” growled Dean after a moment.

“My information is not urgent,” Castiel announced. “I will return at a later date.” Then he was gone, leaving a confused hunter and his laughing brother behind.

***

Castiel traveled to a library located on the island of O’ahu. It had computers available for public use, and if the internet was a little slow, it was at least free and anonymous. He chose a computer in the back where his monitor would not be visible to the room at large and began to perform a search like Dean had shown him years before. 

‘Destiel’ he typed into the small box at Google.com. Then he added the other odd word that Sam had said, ‘fanfic’.

Clicking search brought up roughly six million results, but the second one read ‘Castiel/Dean Winchester – Works | Archive of our Own’.

That seemed to be what Castiel was looking for, so he navigated to the site, amazed when thousands of stories appeared. At first it was a confusing mélange of links, but patience and a few hours’ exploration yielded some insights. 

First, the stories were rated by how much sex they contained. A ‘G’ rated story contained no sex, a ‘T’ rated story might have kissing or romantic situations, but no sex, and an ‘M’ or ‘E’ story could be very explicit. He was not entirely sure what the difference between these categories was, but the authors didn’t really seem to know either. 

Next, there were specific warnings for readers who wanted to avoid stories containing extreme violence, scenes of rape, sex with children, or death. Castiel found he was grateful for this, as he had no desire to read about Dean in these situations, even if it was fiction. Just the thought made him deeply uncomfortable. 

He found both this warning feature and the sorting function immensely useful. They allowed him to narrow his search to the stories he wanted, especially those that were fully complete as opposed to ‘a work in progress’ or ‘WIP’. It had been frustrating the first couple of times when he wanted to see what happened at the end of the story and found it had not even been written yet. 

After a while, Castiel began to notice a few patterns. The stories either closely followed the true events of the Winchesters’ lives, as described by the books, with only minor deviations, such as the purported relationship between Dean and himself, or the authors would place the characters of the Winchester Gospels in radically different situations, known as ‘alternative universes’ or ‘AUs’. In the second group, many deceased people were brought back to life, Castiel was frequently depicted as a human, and they had an assortment of professions. Dean was often cast in typically masculine-coded jobs like car mechanic, firefighter, or bartender, while Castiel was usually in a job deemed more effeminate, such as a school teacher or librarian. 

Sometimes one or the both of them had children, either with each other or with other partners. It was not an idea Castiel had ever considered, but it was interesting to think about Dean as a father. More disturbing and confusing were the many, many ‘omegaverse’ or ‘a/b/o’ fics that postulated three secondary genders for humans in addition to the two biological sexes that most humans subscribed to. As far as Castiel could tell, the purpose of these stories was to impose a heterosexual paradigm on homosexual couples by giving one partner the reproductive characteristics of women, even when both partners were male. Why would God create male omegas if women of any gender could still bear children? And what would be the purpose of beta individuals if they did not have the same driving need to reproduce as the alphas and omegas? It made no sense. With their antiquated view of gender roles, uncomfortable implications regarding biological determinism, and tacit acceptance of rape culture, Castiel decided these stories were not for him and moved on. 

He liked the domestic, slice-of-life stories rather better. They seemed appealingly peaceful after the constant whirlwind of violence and danger that made up their everyday lives, although Castiel had a difficult time imagining himself buying a small business and settling down. It was far more likely that he would die in battle than he would purchase a flower shop, but the idea that awkward encounters with an attractive neighbor might be the most stressful event in his life was a pleasant fantasy.

There were far more fantastic stories, however. Stories where he or Dean was some type of creature: a dragon, a werewolf, a mermaid. Or they were royalty, forced into an unwanted marriage before coming to love one another. 

He was not interested in the stories set in high school or college. Castiel had no frame of reference for schooling and found their adolescent concerns dull, but understood that the readers who enjoyed them were probably young and found them relevant to their own lives. 

Additionally, Castiel found that he disliked stories with the tags ‘BDSM’ or ‘Dom/sub’. In his experience, anyone with strongly dominant tendencies was likely to make an attempt to control or destroy the world, and anyone that submissive would probably not survive long. The parallels to slavery – even if it was supposedly freely chosen – made his skin crawl, and he had no desire to inflict pain on Dean or be tortured by him. There was a broad spectrum of human sexuality and ways in which humans dealt with trauma, but given his and Dean's shared and often violent history, Castiel did not believe that reenacting suffering or powerlessness would be healthy for either of them. 

Fortunately, once he filtered out the themes he did not care for, hundreds of stories remained, and he read many of them before the library closed for the evening. 

***

The next morning found him in another library in Nova Scotia. Castiel had spent the night quietly watching over Sam and Dean but he was ready to return to his research, so he picked up where he’d left off the night before. He had decided to make an account on the website so that he could save some of the stories that he’d liked the best, but it proved to be a more difficult task than he had anticipated. The creation of an account was simple enough, but his name and every variation of it that he could think of had already been claimed by another reader on the site. However, after another twenty minutes or so, he found an acceptable moniker, and castiel_angelofthelord was ready to bookmark. 

Castiel read a story about Dean secretly watching him while he learned how to pleasure himself and he found himself considering the notion, though it did not culminate in any physical expression of desire. He read another enjoyable story where Dean the mechanic and Castiel the accountant were forced to share the last available bed in a hotel during a snowstorm; Dean’s inconvenient morning erection led to the strangers taking comfort in one another. But Castiel found himself frowning when he was three-quarters of the way through an otherwise promising tale about Dean dealing with his mental health issues. 

_”’I don’t give a shit about Sam. It’s you I love, Cas. Your the only person I want in my life.’ Dean got down on one knee. ‘Will you marry me, angel? I know I’m not good enough for you because I’m such a fuckup. But I’m just that selfish that I can’t help it. Please, I need you!’”_

This... this was awful. Thinking he would do the author a favor by offering some constructive feedback, Castiel clicked in the box at the bottom of the screen. 

“Dean would not behave in this manner,” he wrote. “His love for his brother can be occasionally destructive but it is all consuming. He would never discard Sam for Castiel, nor would he express his feelings in such a blatant way. This could be considered ‘out of character’ or OOC. His self-esteem is not as bad as you imagine. Also, you have repeatedly used the possessive form of ‘your’ when you clearly intended the contraction ‘you’re’.”

He sent the comment, content in the knowledge that he had corrected 67impalababy’s misconceptions. Then Castiel closed the story and moved to the next. About a third of the way through an epic adventure starring Dean the lumberjack and Castiel the tiny fairy who discover love together on their quest to save the forest, a notification appeared; the author of the previous story had responded to his comment. Although he was curious to see how the human-sized Dean would manage sexual relations with a fairy the size of his hand, Castiel decided to click over and see what the woman had to say. 

_”Screw you, asshole! if you think your so great, write your own fucking story.”_

Although Castiel’s criticism had been well meant, the author had clearly taken it badly. In situations like these, he had learned that it was better to disengage than attempt to speak to the angry person further, so he did not respond to the comment. However, he did think about 67impalababy’s words. Write his own story? Could he do that? 

He considered it off and on for the next week, mostly while he watched over the Winchesters at night. It was a pleasant distraction. Castiel gazed at Dean’s unclothed chest as it rose and fell with every breath. He could certainly construct a much more accurate story than these women who only knew Dean and himself from stories. But did he want to imagine a physical relationship that did not exist in reality? Castiel could not deny that he had always been drawn to Dean, but he didn't know if it was a sexual interest. And certainly Dean appeared to have no sexual interest in him or anyone who presented as male. On the other hand, the story would be anonymous, and Dean would probably never find out about it, so what harm could it do? There were thousands of others, after all.

Decided, Castiel considered the various scenarios open to him. Writing a “canon-based” story felt like a further betrayal of the brothers’ privacy, and Castiel did not want to dwell on the frequent unpleasantness of their everyday lives anyway, so that idea was discarded immediately. He would write an AU, he thought. One of the domestic slice-of-life ones that he most enjoyed. It would be “fluff” with little-to-no “angst” and one tasteful erotic scene at the end when the fictional Dean and Castiel made their home together. Perhaps Sam and his fictional partner could reside in the house next door and they would all be close. 

The next few days found Castiel pondering story ideas when he had a spare moment, and reading more fanfic for inspiration. Eventually he felt he had found the best scenario. Dean would be an electrician, a job requiring intelligence and skill, but one that was sufficiently “manly” and would not be affected by Dean’s noted distrust of authority. He would make himself a baker. Castiel rather enjoyed the idea of being a force of creation rather than destruction, and producing things that would make Dean, or other people, happy. Baker!Castiel would have moved into the area recently and purchased an old home that needed all of its electrical wiring replaced for safety reasons. He would thus contact Winchester Electric on the recommendation of... someone – he could figure that part out later – and they would send Dean out to do the work. Perhaps Sam would be in charge of the business aspects of their family-owned company; Castiel thought he might like that. On the second or third day of the remodel, Castiel could return home from work with some leftover cinnamon rolls from his bakery and he would offer one to Dean the electrician. Upon tasting the delicious bun, Dean would humorously propose marriage through a mouthful of crumbs and they would chuckle together. This would naturally lead to dating, a steadily growing fondness, meeting each other’s family members, and eventually Dean would move into Castiel’s newly repaired home. 

Pleased with his “plot bunny,” Castiel began writing in his odd moments. It took a while to finish the story to his satisfaction, but eventually castiel_angelofthelord posted his first fic.

***

Sam was gasping for breath, tears streaming down his red face when Dean returned to the motel room of the week. Dean dropped his bags and ran to the bed. He thumped his brother hard on the back.

“You okay, Sammy?!”

The big shaggy head nodded up and down. “Not dying,” he managed to choke out, “laughing.”

Dean sat back, not entirely relieved. Given how their lives had gone so far, he wouldn’t rule out death by laughing. One or the other of them had died from practically everything else.

“What’s so funny?” he grumbled.

It took Sam a few minutes to pull himself together enough to give a coherent answer. “Someone on the internet wrote a story about you and Cas...”

Dean sighed. “This Destiel shit again?”

“It’s better than Wincest,” retorted Sam. Shrugging, Dean conceded the point. 

“So, in this story you and I are electricians and you get called out to rewire this old house that Cas just bought. He thinks you’re hot and proceeds to woo you with baked goods.”

“I can think of worse things. I mean, nothin’ wrong with a good piece of pie.”

“Yes, everyone knows how you feel about pie.” 

Dean scowled. “So why’s this funny? It’s weird, yeah, but I don’t get why me an’ Cas eating pie makes you hysterical.”

Sam tried to suppress a laugh. “Man, it’s so stilted and awkward. I just got to the sex part when you came in and, god, this thing has to have been written by a thirteen-year-old girl. Listen... _’Castiel moved forward, gently pressing his erect yet appropriately lubricated penis past Dean’s sphincter muscles and into the soft warmth of his anal cavity.’_ ”

He could barely even finish the sentence as Dean’s expression morphed into disgust. 

“...the fuck?!”

Sam collapsed into giggles. 

“Is that not an accurate representation of anal intercourse?” intoned a deep voice from the corner of the room. 

Dean looked over at where Castiel had just arrived, and shifted uncomfortably. 

“Uh, I guess it is,” said Sam, “but no one talks like that. It’s off putting to have sex described so clinically. Like our conversation a couple months ago when you were talking about penetration...” He trailed off and peered suspiciously at the angel, then at the author name on his screen. “Cas... did you write this?”

Castiel’s shoulders rose defensively. “It has collected over three hundred kudos in just two days and Mrs_SamW_69 wrote that it was the best story she’d ever read. Her comment was in all capital letters with periods after each word for emphasis.”

“Right,” Dean replied, standing. “I’m out.” 

Watching the hunter walk out of the room, Castiel’s posture sagged in defeat. “I did not mean to make Dean feel uncomfortable. I didn’t think he would ever find out.”

“Sorry,” murmured Sam, feeling bad about the angel’s obvious distress. “But it’s a nice story overall. Gentle, you know? Sweet. You might just need an editor.”

“A beta,” Castiel corrected. 

“Yeah, that.” Sam glanced at the door. “You, ah, you should go talk to him.”

“I fear I have made things difficult.” 

“Maybe. But you should still talk to him.”

Castiel squared his shoulders. He was no coward. He would go to Dean and apologize for involving him in such foolishness. 

Stepping out into the cool night air, Castiel looked around. He worried that Dean would have already left for the nearest bar, but instead he found the man laid out on the hood of his beloved car looking up at what few stars were visible beyond the harsh glare of the streetlights. 

“I’m sorry,” said Castiel. “It was inappropriate to write that story. I will delete it.”

Dean was quiet a moment longer. “You think about that stuff?” he asked finally. 

“Sex?” Castiel questioned, seeking clarification. “Sometimes.”

“I meant more like the whole apple pie life,” murmured Dean, still staring into the sky. “I’m not good at that. With hunting, I can’t... I won’t ever get that.”

Castiel frowned. “I don’t want you to be anyone but yourself, Dean. Perhaps you will never have a traditional life, but you could at least have a home. A safe place you return to after hunts.”

Dean sat up, resting his elbows on his knees, and looked at the angel, his expression unreadable. “With you?”

“If you’d like,” said Castiel, his return gaze deep and steady.

“What if I wanted to be the one on top?” Dean asked, his cupid’s bow lips quirking into a truer shadow of his usual smirk.

Castiel’s lips twitched in return. “I believe I could be convinced.”

Dean leaned forward into Castiel’s personal space, breathing his air. “All right. But you’re not allowed to use the phrase ‘anal cavity’ ever again.”

“A sacrifice I am willing to make,” Castiel replied, closing the distance between their mouths as they fell into a soft, exploratory kiss. Dean gently wove his fingers into Castiel’s messy, dark hair. A few moments later, he leaned back, his hand trailing down the angel’s arm.

“So Sammy lives in the house next door. That the idea?”

Castiel nodded, staring at their intertwined fingers. 

“Who’d you pair him up with in your story, anyway?”

A horrified cry from Sam’s room echoed around the parking lot. “GABRIEL?!”

“Sabriel is also a thing,” declared Castiel as Dean laughed helplessly into his neck.

**Author's Note:**

> Castiel's opinions on fanfic do not necessarily reflect those of the author. Fortunately, he does agree with me that everyone should be able to read and write whatever they want, and be able to easily avoid whatever they don't want.


End file.
